Tom Edison's Shaggy Dog by Kurt Vonnegut

Tommy E, mixologist.

There’s no denying that dogs are intelligent and emotionally perceptive creatures. But what if they were actually the smartest beings on Earth and have been deliberately hiding that fact from humans for centuries? After all, free lodging, regular meals, grooming services, and someone else cleaning up your poop is a pretty sweet arrangement. Why mess that up?

That’s the wonderful premise behind Tom Edison’s Shaggy Dog by Kurt Vonnegut, a short story that’s lighthearted, fast-paced, and a lot of fun. This isn’t Vonnegut at his most caustic or overtly satirical. Instead, he showcases a more playful, eccentric kind of humor that proves very entertaining.

The story opens with two elderly men sitting on a park bench. They are total strangers, but that doesn’t stop one of them from talking nonstop while the other man just wants some peace and quiet. Eventually, the reluctant listener fires back with a story of his own, recounting a strange childhood encounter with none other than the famous inventor himself, Thomas Edison! He lived next to him as a boy and while playing with his dog, ends up crashing into Edison's laboratory. 

As it turns out, Edison had a secret invention he never shared with the world called the “Intelligence Analyzer.” When he tests it on the boy’s dog, the results go completely off the charts. Vonnegut plays this revelation as slightly ridiculous and runs with it. Despite the silliness, the ending takes a surprisingly dark turn, especially when it comes to the consequences faced by the dog for letting this canine secret slip to the humans. This may not rank among Vonnegut’s most memorable short stories, but it doesn’t need to. It’s quick, clever, and built around a great premise, with his understated comedic style on full display. Sometimes being entertaining from start to finish is more than enough for me and there’s nothing wrong with that at all.